Chiavil, Satan's secretary, said, "D.I. is on the phone, Chief. He's so excited he's sputtering."
"DI?"
"Yes. The Dark Instrument you assigned to destroy God's end time plan. He sounds like he's about to explode into the telephone."
"I don' wish to speak to him!" Satan barked back.
"No, Chief, he sounds like...
Before the assistant could finished the sentence, he scolded, "Tell him, I don't want to talk to him."
"But, Chief, he said if you refuse him he had no one to talk to... not even his dog, Patches."
Without looking back, the Devil stomped out of his chamber, muttering, "...stupid useless idiot!"
On the other side of the line Satan's helpless secretary could only tell him to work harder.
"You know I worked till I have sleepless nights. Please tell boss I want to see him personally to explain."
"You failed the mission and you want an audience with the Chief?"
"You know I can't be in the presence of God," referring to his scorn rejection of God's presence, treating in a debased manner. "If boss refuses to see or talk to me then..."
Satan's right hand demon interrupted, "Yes, you can."
So excited, without letting the minion explained, DI said, "You mean you can arrange an appointment for me to see boss?
There was a pause.
"Hello, are you there?"
No answer.
"Hell...o, are you still there. Can you hear me?"
Still, no answer.
Panic and excited, DI called out loud, "Hell...oo, anyone there?"
In his usual brash, rude and cocky manner, he shouted into the telephone, "I demand that you answer me now!"
Impatient, arrogant, he blurted out in an over-bearing loud voice, "I will count to ten, and if you..." he stopped, hearing a soft voice, he yelled, "Hell...ooo, can you speak louder!"
"Yes, I will speak loud and clear," answered a serious voice.
Face beaming, broaden into a big smile, "So, you can do it for me?"
"No."
"What, no?" DI's face turned pale, rattled by the assistant's tone.
"I mean, yes." He answered in a slow, calm manner.
"Hi there, yes or no? Don't play, play with me..." his voice trailed away.
"Yes, the Chief says, you can."
"Woh! It pays off," he encouraged himself: kissed and hi-fived the phone.
DI continued, "I must thank you for the appointment."
"No, you thank yourself for it," the reporting angel replied.
Feeling proud, and wanting to sound humble, DI said, "No, without you, how could I reach boss personally."
"Yes, you can, and will be able to do it," came the reply.
"You mean I can, and will be able to do it, by myself..." his voice fading away, slowly.
"Yes, you can."
Serious? And how? DI's mind wandered off to wild imaginations.
As if Satan's sidekick read his mind, "Seriously, you can, and you will." Still blur, the secretary assured him, "In fact you have confirmed three times."
The last statement made him more nervous. His shoulders drooped, his whole countenance changed as though like the gathering of dark clouds, threatening to rain, DI asked in a slow, soft voice, "But how... and when?"
"You had spoken three times," he reassured him. "Remember you called out loud and clear, Hell...o, Hell...oo and Hell...ooo?"
"But that were greetings only," DI asserted
"Oh yes, that's your world. In our world down here the rules are totally different. When you say hell...ooo it sounds like hell loh. And you said it three time, confirming your booking.
"But, but..."
"No buts... Only butt like you insist on a personal booking. Do you know what 'trust' is in your world? Do you not honor your word: your booking? Maybe you don't have honor and trust in your God, but down here we trust and honor our Chief."
"But up here we could cancel and pay a cancellation fee," DI protested.
"Sorry, in hell there's no cancellation or cancellation fee. Hi, you're dealing with hell, stupid!"
"No, I want to cancel. I am NOT going!" he protested angrily.
"Protest or no protest, your booking is confirmed. The schedule is full, wait for your turn."
As DI still in a daze, the dark angel reminded: "Don't forget to say goodbye to your family and friends... and your dog, Patches."
Looking at Patches with a blank stare he wondered, counting with his fingers how many were still with him.
And wondered still how soon the rest would follow him... to his new home.
"I don' wish to speak to him!" Satan barked back.
"No, Chief, he sounds like...
Before the assistant could finished the sentence, he scolded, "Tell him, I don't want to talk to him."
"But, Chief, he said if you refuse him he had no one to talk to... not even his dog, Patches."
Without looking back, the Devil stomped out of his chamber, muttering, "...stupid useless idiot!"
On the other side of the line Satan's helpless secretary could only tell him to work harder.
"You failed the mission and you want an audience with the Chief?"
"You know I can't be in the presence of God," referring to his scorn rejection of God's presence, treating in a debased manner. "If boss refuses to see or talk to me then..."
Satan's right hand demon interrupted, "Yes, you can."
So excited, without letting the minion explained, DI said, "You mean you can arrange an appointment for me to see boss?
There was a pause.
"Hello, are you there?"
No answer.
"Hell...o, are you still there. Can you hear me?"
Still, no answer.
Panic and excited, DI called out loud, "Hell...oo, anyone there?"
In his usual brash, rude and cocky manner, he shouted into the telephone, "I demand that you answer me now!"
Impatient, arrogant, he blurted out in an over-bearing loud voice, "I will count to ten, and if you..." he stopped, hearing a soft voice, he yelled, "Hell...ooo, can you speak louder!"
"Yes, I will speak loud and clear," answered a serious voice.
Face beaming, broaden into a big smile, "So, you can do it for me?"
"No."
"What, no?" DI's face turned pale, rattled by the assistant's tone.
"I mean, yes." He answered in a slow, calm manner.
"Hi there, yes or no? Don't play, play with me..." his voice trailed away.
"Yes, the Chief says, you can."
"Woh! It pays off," he encouraged himself: kissed and hi-fived the phone.
DI continued, "I must thank you for the appointment."
"No, you thank yourself for it," the reporting angel replied.
Feeling proud, and wanting to sound humble, DI said, "No, without you, how could I reach boss personally."
"Yes, you can, and will be able to do it," came the reply.
"You mean I can, and will be able to do it, by myself..." his voice fading away, slowly.
"Yes, you can."
Serious? And how? DI's mind wandered off to wild imaginations.
As if Satan's sidekick read his mind, "Seriously, you can, and you will." Still blur, the secretary assured him, "In fact you have confirmed three times."
The last statement made him more nervous. His shoulders drooped, his whole countenance changed as though like the gathering of dark clouds, threatening to rain, DI asked in a slow, soft voice, "But how... and when?"
"You had spoken three times," he reassured him. "Remember you called out loud and clear, Hell...o, Hell...oo and Hell...ooo?"
"But that were greetings only," DI asserted
"Oh yes, that's your world. In our world down here the rules are totally different. When you say hell...ooo it sounds like hell loh. And you said it three time, confirming your booking.
"But, but..."
"No buts... Only butt like you insist on a personal booking. Do you know what 'trust' is in your world? Do you not honor your word: your booking? Maybe you don't have honor and trust in your God, but down here we trust and honor our Chief."
"But up here we could cancel and pay a cancellation fee," DI protested.
"Sorry, in hell there's no cancellation or cancellation fee. Hi, you're dealing with hell, stupid!"
"No, I want to cancel. I am NOT going!" he protested angrily.
"Protest or no protest, your booking is confirmed. The schedule is full, wait for your turn."
As DI still in a daze, the dark angel reminded: "Don't forget to say goodbye to your family and friends... and your dog, Patches."
Looking at Patches with a blank stare he wondered, counting with his fingers how many were still with him.
And wondered still how soon the rest would follow him... to his new home.
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The above is a satire submitted by a reader of Secret Naked Truth.
He warns: It's better to say 'hello' to your flowers or pets than to the dark agents of Satan. It will be your 'goodbye' to the world.
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The above is a satire submitted by a reader of Secret Naked Truth.
He warns: It's better to say 'hello' to your flowers or pets than to the dark agents of Satan. It will be your 'goodbye' to the world.
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